TO BE CONTINUED. . . Here's where you come in. You have read the first ten or so pages of The One Percenter. There are two-hundred more pages and we need your help to make them better. How? Just download the book, print it, read it at your leisure, and then give us feedback on what we've got right and what we can improve upon. It's that simple and we appreciate the opportunity to post your thoughts in our comment section. We are genuine in our interest in your thoughts.
What comes next? The free downloads will be available January through March of 2020. After that we will seek publication of the book and try to bring it to life for others. You are welcome to share this beta (in process) version with anyone who might have a shared interest. Thanks - in advance - for your help!
Carl Mumpower, Ph.D.
Clinical and Family Psychologist
Asheville, North Carolina
January 1st, 2020
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-Introduction-
We do not live in an easy world.
Everyone struggles to find their fit. Some of us more than most. For these unique individuals, life – from their first step to their last – is challenged by uncertainty, rejection, and erratic traction.
Frequently branded as eccentric, lazy, troubled or even mentally ill, those thus targeted are inaccurately framed with labels.
Much like a burn victim quietly compelled to stretch scars, these extra-ordinary individuals face an existence embedded with invisible pain. It is intense and rarely noted by the comfortable.
These prodigies of nature are rare – and contrary to their social tags – anything but dysfunctional. In fact, in a world filled with special people, they can be the most special.
This book is dedicated to the one percent of those around us who are so gifted they are sometimes laden. The mission – turning that unintended burden into an astonishing blessing. . .
We We live in a hard world.
From the day we are born until our last breath. . .
. . .we are relentlessly challenged.
All of us.
But some are challenged more. . .
“I've got the key to my castle in the air, but whether I can unlock the door remains to be seen.” ― Louisa May Alcott
1
Chapter One
What’s a One Percenter?
One Percenter [n. wʌn pərˈsɛntər ] One percent – one part in a hundred parts; unique; extra-ordinary; exceptional; different; special
There’s a funny thing about being special. It sounds better than it often is. Amidst a world that thrives on conformity, being unique – really unique – is a challenge fraught with hazards.
When it comes to being a one percenter, special usually begins as anything but special. Designation words like awkward, strange, impaired, pained, or difficult are much more likely to come one’s way.
In the beginning, special people are like newborn fawns – wobbly, uncertain and vulnerable. And like the fawn, they need help and protection.
With persistence and support, Bambi didn’t die, and she didn’t stay vulnerable. With the right amount of help in the right dose, she found her special place in this world.
That’s our assignment – it begins with understanding the challenge and how it all comes about.
_________________________________
It begins. . .
His first memory traces to age three. It was a kaleidoscope of sounds, images, and feelings involving his mother, father, and a policeman.
They were all in front of a building somewhere near Mobile. The word “JAIL” was over the door. He was stretched between his parents. His father had his arms and shoulders, and his mom had his boots. They were new black and white cowboy boots.
One came off in his mom’s hand just as a police officer grabbed her. His father pulled him away and into the back of a car. It was a big green and white car – and it smelled musty as he stood in the back and looked out the window at the receding image of his mom.
He remembers being scared and confused. He didn’t understand as he turned to watch his father and grandfather conversing in the front seat. They were tense but somehow seemed happy.
He didn’t know what to do. He just looked out the dark window in the direction of his mother.
He wanted to stop and go back, but the car kept on going. . .
Challenge is certain, but the timing is unpredictable.
Sometimes it begins at birth.
Sometimes it begins in our early childhood.
Sometimes it begins with school.
Sometimes it begins with adolescence.
Sometimes it begins when we are on our own.
But it always begins, and then it never stops.
And we have to deal with it. . .
“Accept hardship as a necessary discipline.” ― Lailah Gifty Akita
2
On the issue of a life of challenge, we are all equals.
But we do not face the same hurdles with the same tools.
There are three inescapable truths—
1) Life was not meant to be easy.
2) We are given utensils, but we must learn to use them.
(3) This is not something we can do without help. . .
Though life is a team sport, not all players are the same.
“Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water.” – Christopher Morley
3
Everyone has a head, heart, hand, and spirit. Everyone.
But it gets complicated from there.
Some of us are gifted with a great mind.
Some with a deep heart.
Some with a strong hand.
Some with a dedicated spirit.
Everybody is extra strong in at least one of the above.
One is enough to anchor us to a good life. . .
“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.” – Marie Curie
4
Some people have a strong mind.
They love logic.
They love facts.
They love knowledge.
They love questions.
They love solutions.
They love thinking.
They feel safest when they use their head.
It’s the other stuff that’s tough. . .
“Wise thinkers prevail everywhere.” Sophocles
5
Some people are blessed with a deep heart.
They care.
They sense.
They feel.
They smile.
They hurt.
They love.
Most of us know someone who struggles with limitations.
But the size of their heart overshadows what’s missing. . .
“Truth is ever incoherent, and when the big hearts strike together, the concussion is a little stunning.” – Herman Melville
6
Some people have a strong hand.
They can do almost anything.
They can build.
They can play.
They can protect.
They can provide.
They can explore.
They can prevail.
Big handed doers keep our world turning. . .
“The doer alone learneth.” Friedrich Nietzsche
7
Some people have a dedicated spirit.
They reach for something more.
They have a belief in higher authority.
They understand how important faith is.
They seek to understand God’s will.
They work to follow it.
These are those who civilize the world by looking beyond it.
A dedication to truth most surely marks their path. . .
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” ― C.S. Lewis
8
Everyone is strong in one thing. Some are strong in more.
Somewhere around 30% of us are strong in two ways.
Two is tougher than one.
There’s more to understand and juggle.
And that’s on top of life’s other challenges.
What’s good is not necessarily what’s easy. . .
“When people complain of your complexity, they fail to remember that they made fun of your simplicity.” ― Michael Bassey Johnson
9
Then there are the 10% who are strong in three.
That’s even tougher.
It’s sort of like responding to three stop lights.
All at the same time.
With three it’s easy to get in a wreck. . .
“We are losing the ability to understand anything that's even vaguely complex.” ― Chuck Klosterman
10
But the most challenged group are the One Percenters.
The 1% who are strong in all four.
Many gifts can easily be overwhelming.
It’s the difference in fishing with one pole versus four.
We can catch more fish or just get more tangles.
Our job is to clear the tangles and catch some fish. . .
“Stop trying to change reality by eliminating complexity.” ― David Whyte
Chapter Two
The 1% Reality
Complex [n.ˈkäm-pleks] A whole made up of intricate or interrelated parts
The problem side of complexity shows up quickly.
The gifted one percenter is harder to manage, harder to decipher and harder to teach than those of a less intricate design. Everything is not misery and woe, but thorns come with the rose.
Staying in positive territory is important. To do that we have to recognize a one percenter early – and help them understand what they – and we as parents, teachers, and supporters – are facing.
It’s easier to be patient and positive when we understand that different does not mean broken and the ups and downs have a purpose. Complexity does not find its potential without illumination, challenge, and practice. . .
Challenge is certain, but the timing is unpredictable.
He was eight when his Dad took him to Sears to buy his gold football uniform. It was all amazing and everything was new.
The next day they drove to the YMCA. He was going to play football. He met the coach and some of the players. He was excited but also scared. No one seemed to know he did not know how to play football.
On his very first day he found himself on the field in a line of other guys in gold uniforms. Everything that happened next was in fuzzy slow motion up to the moment someone came up and pushed him. He quickly found himself on the ground, and then, just as quickly, all of the running and shoving and yelling was over.
But it wasn’t really. The same thing happened again, and then again, except that after a while no one hit him. He just stood there while everything swirled around him.
At some point his Dad and the coach yelled at him to come off the field. His dad looked dejected – even disgusted. The coach didn’t look at him at all.
He sat on the bench until they went home. His Dad didn’t say much of anything beyond, “Why didn’t you play?”
He wanted to tell him he was afraid, and that he didn’t know how to play football. He had never played before. No one had taught him how.
That uniform went under the bed. He never put it on again. He wore the shame and hurt instead.
He hid it and kept on going. . .